Slowly fading…

Despite all that is happening, this may come as a surprise to some…enjoy…

she looked at her hands…in fact, she could see thru them…the ceramic flooring, white and ghostly behind her palms…she flipped both her hands…and found that the flooring looked equally the same…

“George”, she called out at the first person she knew that walked past…he turned and looked at her, broke into a smile and said, “Hey, tat’s cool! You should do tat at Halloween”…and went on his way…

George wasn’t close to her, neither was she to him…so it didn’t matter if he didn’t stay for the conversation…as long as he could….partially see her?

I’m fading…she said to herself…slowly but surely…it wasn’t going to happen all in that 5 minutes…but she knew she was definitely lighter…and more transparent than yesterday…

she took her seat in front of the computer in the doc’s lounge…with her light silvery hands turned on the machine…went to her blog…the posting were getting less…so was her communi-box…ppl were leaving less and less comments there…ppl, refering to her sis, her good girl frens…her ex-school frens…the nice strangers who later became not-strangers…perhaps the comments were still there…but they were becoming less and less extensive and less compeling to her…but it was just weird…

a cold thought ran into her…and she immediately closed the webpage…it was too freaky…it was one thing to be disappearing…but another to be forgotten…even if it was destined that she was never meant to be…No! she was meant to be, she assured herself…I existed for a reason…

another trigger hit her…her dreams…the continuous dreams tat came every nite to haunt her…they weren’t scary…they were devastating…the scenes were different, the places were different in all of them…but in them all, she was running, hiding, seeking…running away from death, hiding away from her hunters…seeking her frens but found none…the dreams always started out good…but always ended with her alone…

it made sense as much as it could…her new understanding was not that she will end up alone…it was that she wasn’t with them…ever…in the first place…

her team of colleagues have been arguing over their patients cases, their lawsuits with each other…she felt the need to help them but she always pulled herself back…she knew it was none of her business….it had never been her matter to know…and soon, it will not…

her heart was always with her work…her aim to help as much as possible…she was made with the flaw of the inability to touch and console…but she worked hard thru sch…just so her hand could still extended to those who are in need…not to hold them, but at least to a distance within reach…she spent her time trying to understand, trying to diagnose…trying to pull patients back from dark hands, trying to give them the precious life that was initially trusted into their hands…but she can’t even hold on to her own…

in determination, she made her way to the lounge mirror…not to tidy herself, not to stare at her reflection and tell herself that ethg is going to be alright…

she just stood there…

and as her reflection rolled down its first tear…down her ghostly pale face…she knew that the hands she used to save lives with…the eyes that showed concern for the sick…the mouth that spoke strength into the weak…will not do the same for her…

“wat is my reason?”